Friday, July 9, 2010

Box Office Review – The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

If I was a teen girl I would love the Twilight series. This new installment Eclipse delivers for teen girls what superhero movies deliver for teen boys. See every teen boy wants to be the hero who saves the day like Spiderman and get to head home every night to his Mary Jane (not a drug reference). I'm not a teen girl, but what I assume they want is to feel safe and wanted and have a feeling of belonging. I realize that is not what all teen girls are looking for, but I can only assume that is what a lot of them want because this seems to be the only thing that Twilight is about.

Bella is a girl who is in love with the vampire Edward. He is so in love with her that he is willing to kill, maim, and risk his undead life for her. Bella is also in love with the werewolf Jacob, but as she explains in Eclipse it is a different kind of love. Jacob would also do anything because of his love for Bella and this poses a problem for these mixed up teens. Both these characters do everything they can to take care of Bella and she doesn't seem to care. There are long scenes of Bella being carried by Jacob up steep mountain trails, and he doesn't even get a thank you. Edward spends every waking hour (which is a lot because he doesn't sleep) protecting Bella from the evils of the world, which doesn't seemed to be that big of a deal for the spoiled brat. Both Edward and Jacob even have their vampire clan and wolf pack fighting only to protect Bella. Basically if I was a teen girl I would love all the fawning over Bella, but alas I am not and this love fest around Bella really bugs me.

I found the movie to be boring and slow as molasses, and the one cool fight scene near the end did little to redeem this film. The movie works well as wish fulfillment for teen and tween girls, so I see no reason to critique in anymore. I have though created a list of interesting observations about the film and series in general.

1. Edward might break his celibacy vow if Bella took a little bit more care in her appearance. She shows up at a graduation party in pants and a long sleeved button up shirt. Throw on a dress at least for special occasions.

2. How is it that the Cullen clan a group of teen vampires who attend school and hide their vampirism in plan sight have never been discovered as being blood sucking freaks? They have pale skin, crazy colored eyes, and weird hair. They also always hang around together. The villagers in Midwitch figured out pretty quick that there was something wrong with the weird haired, pale faced, creepy eyed children in The Village of the Damned. Why haven't the people in Washington State done the same?

3. Why isn't Bella's mom at her graduation? Is she on parole and can't leave Florida to see her only child graduate high school? Bella goes and visits her early on in Eclipse, but you would think if her mom wasn't a total dead beat she could show up at least for a few hours on graduation day.

4. I can't figure out why Native werewolves would decide that jean shorts are the most practical article of clothing to wear year round. When I think jorts I think of a portly man who is really into D&D and Dr. Pepper, not ferocious killing man wolves. It doesn't even seem like it would matter what clothes the members of the wolf pack wear as when they transform the jorts magically disappear and then reappear when they turn back. If I remember one thing about this series it will be the shirtless natives wearing jorts, and I don't mean that in a gay way.

A Banana Peel

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